I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
