I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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