I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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