FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
