All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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