this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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