I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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