I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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