how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
