try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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