He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
