I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Randomize