I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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