I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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