We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
