I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i permit you to call me
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
