and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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