You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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