3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
