i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
