Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
