I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
