i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize