we're making bets on your personal life
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
