I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
