let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
