i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Every concussion has its silver lining
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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