how can u be prego again
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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