spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize