Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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