Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
