do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize