I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
