why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
