He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
