she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
