I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
