I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
