so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
