Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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