just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
