And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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