Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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