Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
