This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
