Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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