Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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