on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
