peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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