u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
