Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
