And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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