Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize