drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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