was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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