honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
