i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
