I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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