Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
