I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The air taste purple.
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