She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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