walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Semen is not good for contacts.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
