he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
