Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
