time to smoke my breakfast
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dick very happy bro
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
