Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I enjoy the company of your penis
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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