i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
