dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I need to stop coming to work sober
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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