Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well I just put wine in my tea
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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