True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
it's like heaven, but drunker
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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