There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
