I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You can't motorboat a personality
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
