i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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