Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
