Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
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