I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
