Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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