so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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