I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
