bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
