I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
