Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
