separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
